It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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