It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.