Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina