these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.