Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
