well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
