My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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