She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
