I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
