My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
