what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
