she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
40s are totally the cure
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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