just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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