i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
