I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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