her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He felt like a one man threesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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