Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
