Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
