We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
