I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
