i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
