Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
