nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
