The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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