We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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