I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
