You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
