you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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