Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
