Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
