I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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