I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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