Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
