You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
