It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
BRING THE BAGELS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
