Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My liver just had a heart attack.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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