Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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