my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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