he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
