you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
