I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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