biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
