The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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