I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize