just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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