So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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