That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize