I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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