i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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