Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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