she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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