I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
