shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
