fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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