he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
