Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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