he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
