so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my liver is dry heaving
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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