i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
