and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
