so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
