Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
