when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
