you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
