the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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