College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
