Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
