lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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