Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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