the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
