I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
