wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
