You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
