Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
