she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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