All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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