He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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