oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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