i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
