a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
