I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
