one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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