the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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