Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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