I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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