I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
