Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
