How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
